On a wet rainy day in March we arrive in Pucallpa, Peru ready to arrive at the healing retreat center. A beautiful nugget of paradise surrounded by jungle and loving faces. We met many of the other guests who already started to feel like a family. At the welcome meeting we all shared who we were, where we came from and why we were here.  Naturally, in the shame of the situation that I was living in I didn’t share my full truth as my partner was there as well. The vessel of my being was so full of this shame I honestly have no idea how I didn’t burst.

The second day came around, the ceremony day. A ‘thought’ streamed in through me during the day. As much as my intention was not to drink the thought said “Well, you’re here aren’t you? You’ve flown and traveled all this way, spent all this money. Why not just give it a go?” It was such a gentle and loving thought with curiosity flowing through it. So I decided I would give it a go. As I’d never worked with recreational drugs or psychedelics I really had no idea what to expect and as such I didn’t carry any fear or hesitation about going through this experience.

The ceremony time approached and we all filed in to the Maloka where the ceremony would commence. I sat next to my partner and got comfy and was in amazement and wonder as the ceremony began. I was completely fearless… more like a child sitting waiting for a gift to be delivered to me. I received the magical cup of ‘medicine’ and swallowed it back. The taste was intense and bitter and a bit tricky to hold down, but I managed it and snuggled in for what was to come.

As the night progressed my partner kept leaning over and asking me “Are you tripping yet?” I must admit, I was getting quite annoyed by this… one because the word tripping always struck a negative chord with me and two because he kept bothering me. One of the facilitators came over and asked how I was doing and if I felt the medicine yet. I mentioned I wasn’t quite sure and received a second dose of the medicine tea. Almost instantly after I drank it I started to feel it come on. I panicked and knocked on the floor for assistance. I mentioned how quickly the effects were starting to come on from the second cup and was worried that I may have overdosed. I was assured that I hadn’t and all I had to do was just relax and breathe.

Slowly as I breathed in and out an image started to appear behind the granulated pixels in my mind. A cartoon like picture frame with images of brown pencil lined tree trunks a front a yellow background appeared. Green moss hung lazily off the branches and just as I looked deeper with curiosity the picture went from a flat two dimensional image to a three dimensional space where I was in that moss forest walking through the trees and looking around. And then I heard it… “Are you tripping yet?” and BOOM, it was gone. I was out and back in the Maloka. I was pissed… and all of a sudden all this agitation came up from me and sweats and chills started to pour out of my body. I was panicking and I did not like how I was feeling. I called a facilitator and they started fanning me and after about 5 minutes it was over. I was back fully present and aware. I tucked myself deeper in to my mat and went to sleep.

The next day came and I was done. I wasn’t drinking the tea anymore though I knew there were 3 more ceremonies to go. I was convinces that the divine wisdom that everyone seeks was provided to me. I had to stop listening to everyone else and listen to my own truth. I was good right, I was done? I mean, that was pretty deep and profound right there.  Throughout the day people was telling me that I should drink and I kept saying, no, I’m good. Listening to my own truth and no one else. Fortunately, one very beautiful soul came to me and said don’t make the choice now for later. Come to the ceremony, sit with the medicine and make your choice then. Fare enough I thought and I proceeded to go to ceremony later that night.

Sitting on my mat a glass of the medicine was handed to me. I looked at it and as I sat with it I started to speak to this beautiful medicine. My heart opened, the tears flowed and the words came out. “I’m scared. I don’t know what to do. Please help me. I love you. Thank you.” And then I chugged it back. I noticed it was a much bigger dose than what I initially received… tricky, tricky.

 

To be continued….